In the annals zeppelin racing, there are few incidents as famous as the Atomic Age Zeppelin Race between the Pegasusand Wotansraven. Coincidentally, there are few boy adventurers as famous as Johnny Dangerfist, or as pathetic as his brother Lefty. The race, which spanned most of globe and the greater part of a fortnight, has been hailed as a triumph of our time and as one of the worst potential disasters of the modern era. There is little doubt that the careers of the great Captain Drake Daedalus or his nemesis, Baron Siegfried von Schmeck, would have been extremely different, and most probably much more boring, had they not undertaken this competition. Johnny and Lefty Dangerfist, next to Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, Calvin and Hobbes, and Vladimir and Estragon seem to the casual eye to be unsuspecting heroes. It is sometimes impressive how observant the casual eye can be…
Johnny: Don't touch that Lefty, you might get killed!
Lefty: Well golly gee Johny, I was just try to help.
Johnny: Well don't, you know your left handed, don't you remember what happened at the textile factory!
Lefty: Gee johnny I wish I was almost twelve.
Johnny: Well your not, your only nine.
Jeffries: The mooring line is secure Captain Daedelus! Ready to debark to the Ed-derigible!
Captain Drake Daedelus: Thank you Jeffries. Johnny, we're going to be docked at the Ed-dirigible for the next three hours. You and Lefty go aboard and get some food, try not to get into too much trouble. And I don't want you bringing back any more of that damn bubble gum onto my zeppelin, we see more than enough Pterodactyls as it is.
Johnny: Aye Aye Captain! Lets go Lefty.
(steps, door opens)
Narator:Johnny headed down the gangplank in search of swashbuckling adventure. Lefty followed, on the lookout for soda and bubble gum.
As the brothers stomped down the bridge toward the flight deck they noticed the fins of a black Zeppelin with silver trim protruding omionously from behind the Ed-derigible.
Look Johnny! A slingshot!
Right there, in the store window.
Oh golly gee Lefty, I've always wanted a sling slot.
Me too! Maybe they'll have one for left handed people.
(Hearty chuckle) Yes and perhaps one day there will be schools for left handed people as well. Lets go look at the slingshot.
Oh wow! a real Kevin Carnagie Slingshot, i saw one of these in the Sears Catalogue! I'm going to buy it! (cash register sound)
L: Can I have some money to buy this bubble gum?
J: No Lefty. Lets got get some soda pop.
Music getting louder, Door opens
Bartender: What can I do for you boys?
Johhny: We'll have two cream sodas please!
Bartender: Coming right up boys, take a seat.
Waitress (New Yorker): Hello there gentleman, you two order a coupla root beers
JD: This isn't my soda!
Klaus: Zat is because it is mine!
JD: Who the hell are you?
Klaus: Some call me Klaus, The Boy Nemesis
Dieter: Everyone calls you Klaus
K: Shut up Dieter! And you, boy, give me my soda.
JD: Not if Kevin Carnagie has anything to say about it (Rubber Band sound)
K: Give me the soda boy. I have killed for less (Revolver Sound)
JD: Like what?
K: Marbles, chewing gum, this raven (CaCaw sound), I killed its parents.
BVS: Klaus! What have I told you about pulling your revolver in soda fountains!
K: Ze boy pulled his slingshot!
JD: Not just any slingshot! A real Kevin Carnagie!
BVS: (said slowly, very intentionally) What is your name, boy?
JD: Johnny Dangerfist, Boy Adventurer!
BVS: This boy has found disfavor vis me, shoot him Klaus
Daedelus: Ah, I see you’ve met Baron Zigfried von Schmeck
Baron: I vant zat boy’z head Daedelus.
D: Well You cant have it. I have a better plan – A race, Baron. You have wanted one for years now. Here’s your chance. Once and for all, the best zeppelin in the skies.
B: Hah! Ze great Drake Daedelus finally vants a race? Dumbkopf! (mumbling in Germanish)
Klaus: Perhaps Dadedlus vould be vize to learn from ze mistakes of his father. (Hearty chuckle from his crew)...or prehaps from ze mistakes of his son...his dead son, ya.
(gasp followed by silence)
D: The race will be from San Francisco to New York
B: Pazetic, we could be zere by noon.
B: Verdammt, you really vant zis race don’t you Daedelus? Fine, around ze vorld. Winner get’s ze other’s zeppelin no?
B: And ven does it start?
Sir Arnold Bettington: When I say so gentlemen.
Baron: Who iz zis bastard?
D: This "bastard" is Sir Arnold Beddington
Bettington: Thats Bettington Daedelus.
D: Whatever, which means that our race is now registered with "The Firm."
Btton: Hello Daedelus. I was informed there is a race to take place? You know the Firm handles all such matters. A race without bets is hardly a race. It’s a thing of honor old boy, something your father probably didn't teach you about, before he died, tragically.
B: Ah yes, ze infamous french alps explosion.
D: Shut it shmeck. Fine, you can have little game Sir Beddington, But the destinations stay the same.
Btton: And so the hand it dealt.
B: And ven do ve begin? My crew is eager to see New York (chuckles maliciously)
Btton: Tomorrow. 5pm. Treasure Island Zeppelin Port.
Both captains: Agreed.
D: Cmon Johnny, grab that brother of yours and lets get back to Pegasus.
Johnny: We’re havin’ a race? Oh boy! Are we going to win?
D: Only if you stop causing trouble.
B: Vat are you looking at?
B: I was just wondering, Barron, care for a game of whist?
(Door opens, misc steps…another door, sounds of zeppelin)
D: Jeffries! Prepare for cast off! Set course for San Francisco!
Narrator: The news of the race spread quickly. Bettington wired "the Firm" and soon its members worldwide were gathering to place their bets. In the few hours it took Pegasus to get to San Francisco, the city had been informed of the next day's excitement. The Wotansraven was well known to be Germany's fastest zeppelin, and Baron von Schmeck and his crew were equally well known. It was also suspected that they acted as freelance agents for Berlin. The world of zeppelin intrigue was in full swing.
***Consider replacing with a newsboy, would love to have Brian do it***
NB: "American zeppelin crew faces off with the Kaiser's finest!
Jeffries: Captain! San Francisco 10 degrees off the port bow, 5 miles out. Wind's from the west as usual, sir!
D: Thank you Jeffries. Secure that line! Watch out for gusts as we approach "the Slot."
Misc crewmember: "Aye aye captain"
J: Wow San Francisco! Ive never seen it! Look Lefty!
Jeffries: 50 feet and falling sir.
D: Excellent, secure the port side.
D: Starboard side!
D: Welcome to San Francisco lads.
(doors opening, props dying, general chatter)
J: Are we going into town?
D:I am going into town, YOU are staying on the zeppelin with Lefty and Jeffries.
J: Ah shucks!
(Planes/zeppelins in the background, steps come up)
Tarkington: 'Ello Daedalus. Heard you got yourself in a bit of a scrape with a bloody Hun. The Damn Kaiser's got his whole bloody army going tits ta mockers about the whole tea kettle you brewed over Denver, proper bag'a wank ya' ask me.
Daedalus: Mr. Coyne Tarkington, to what do I owe the pleasure?
T: Oh the usual, I just happened to be in the area selling some priceless mummified Siamese; Ming Dynasty, terribly rare these days. Acquired these ones near Shanghai. Ming Dao the Second seemed eager to be rid of them. It was either me or the communists.
D: I can't imagine how you persuaded him.
T: Oh you know, the usual, my trusty shovel made him a deal he couldnt refuse. Hehe it reminds of this one incident in the Suez in '93. Damn Bedouin wouldnt...
D: Yes, thank you Coyne, I recall the story.
T: Right... Speaking of incidents, Flex Brawnmans here. Got in a fight with a grizzly at the zoo this morning. Poor bear, never saw 'im coming....
D: Well I need him Coyne, von Schmeck isnt schmucking around. He means business.
T: The great Drake Daedelus is rounding up the old crew again eh?, just like old times! I know where we can find Brawnman, and last I heard Merryweather was making steam-powered-Jet-copters for the Japanese.
D: And we'll need Calvin if we're going to fly over the pyranese.
T: I haven't heard anything since the sky pirate incident in India. I snooped around a bit but the trail goes cold in Istanbul...the winds are changing Daedelus, nowadays, nobody flies over turkey except the Turks.
D: If I cared about the bloody wind I would buy a Cod Damn sailboat Tarkington. We'll fly over Turkey, and I'll do it with a Cod Damn frenchman in the cockpit if I have to.
T: You crazy son of a bitch Daedelus! (prehaps change to cockney or something else) Well, I say, its about time we stepped out for some tea. Shall we?
D: Lets go.
J: Im bored.
L: They've only been gone 5 minutes Johnny. Want some bubblegum?
J: Whered you get that bubblegum Lefty?
L: My pocket.
J: Captain Daedalus told us not bring any back to the zeppelin.
L: Oh yea.
J:They've been gone an awful long time. Should we go look for them? Maybe they need us? Klaus wouldnt have stayed at the zeppelin. Lets go after them.
L: Johnny, Captain Daedalus told us to stay here.
J: Yea, but he didnt tell what to do in an emergency Lefty. Besides, I'm a boy adventurer, what could possibly go wrong?
L: Should we tell Jeffries?
J: No, he said he didn't want to be distrubed while he's fixing the boiler. He sure does spend a lot of time fixing that boiler. Lets go Lefty, for Adventure!
Lefty: Oh Boy!
(busy street noises, car horns, people talking)
KR: hello boys, fancy for a game of whist?
Johnny: Do I ever!
Lefty: (whispering) Johnny, I don't know about all this. That man is really scary and that alley is awful dark.
Johnny: Oh come on lefty, stop being such a weenie.
Lefty: I am not a weenie! I want to play whist.
(sound of cards shuffling)
KR: You know the rules gentlemen, what's the wager?
Johnny: One Timothy Carnagie slingshot
KR: I'll match that for ten dollars, and how about you little man?
Lefty: I'll bet my shoes!
Johnny: (whispering) Lefty, you can't bet your shoes. Pops had them made special for your stupid pigeon feet.
Lefty: (resolutely) I bet my shoes!
(card shuffling sound)
KR: Well I guess thats the way the cards fall gentlemen. I guess I'll be taking the slingshot and the shoes.
JD: You'll never get away with this! Captain Daedelus will stop you!
FB: Did somebody say Daedelus?
KR: Who...who...who...the hell are you?
FB: Flex Brawnman, but you can call me "the Duke." You crossed a line Kenny, a mans gotta sink pretty low take shoes from crippled child. Makes my blood boil. (Knuckles crack)
KR: Oh no! There must be some mistake.
FB: Thats right, and you're the one who made it. Boys, I want you to close your eyes for a while, this ain't gonna be pretty.
Jeffries: They must'uv run off while I was working on the boiler, Captain, those kids are a whole mess a trouble.
Daedelus: Tarkington, you know this city, where could they have gone?
Tarkington: I think I have an idea, but its tits over apples Daedelus.
FB: DAEDELUS! Haven't seen you in years you old son of a bitch.
FB: Yah, Johnny and Lefty were just catching me up on the race, weren't you boys?
D: Oh yah, thats right captain.
JD: I'm real sorry a wandered off captain.
DD: haHA! (said like 'Hark!' not laughter) You've got good instincts boy, and you would hardly be a boy adventurer if you didn't follow them. You and your brother are like the "son who didn't die that I never had" ('aaaaawe' sound effect)...
Loudspeaker: Zepellin's to the starting line. At your mark. Go!
D: Full speed ahead crew! I want to see Hawaii on the horizon by dawn!
The crew collectively: Aye Aye Captain!
Next time on Johnny Dangerfist! The typhoon over Honalulu!
D: Gusts from the east! Tighten the jib!
JD: Are we gonna make it?
BM: (Heavy scottish) Betsy may be old but she's sassy!